Escaping mundanity isn’t a challenge if you don’t allow it to be. Letting go of the idea that something has to fill the space is the only thing that really matters.
And music can do that for you. It helps you relax, release, remember, renew. It reminds you that moments of silence are just as precious as moments of noise, and feelings aren’t avoidable - in fact, they’re all there is, aren’t they?
Tatiana Hazel has always been a favorite of mine because she understands the idea of putting your feelings into something and leaving them there. She pours herself out, and in turn, is filled up with the very thing she has created.
As a child, my family went on lots of roadctrips - the Ozarks, Indiana Beach, the covered bridges of the northeast - and one memory sticks out more than most.
My sister and I are opposites in most senses of the word, and, as siblings do, found anything and everything to fight about. We were driving somewhere one day, and I was caught stealing glances out of the window on the side of the car she was sitting on.
She was not happy with the idea of me looking out of her window. She went so far as to try and cover the space with flailing arms, blocking her view from my eye.
We laugh about it often, the idea that she could own a skyline in the back of our mom’s minivan. The idea that stopping me from seeing what she saw somehow felt like a win.
But if anything, is that not how life goes? We want so badly for others to see the world through our eyes, but as soon as they do, we fight for it back. It’s our world, after all. Is it not?
There’s beauty in the in-between; the long drives and the headphones-in scroll hours and the nap before you get ready for the night that lies ahead.
When I first met Tati back in 2015, we were just getting started. We were 19, we were living on our own in a big city, and we were properly unhinged. But together we grew, and now - damn near 10 years later - here we are, in the back of a minivan, singing along to Hilary Duff’s So Yesterday.
Through the in-between she has become one of my favorite artists, biggest inspirations, and - by fate and design - one of my closest friends.
In the nine-ish years I’ve known Tatiana, she’s switched her sound up, experimenting with genres and style, and has let herself grow up from teenager to woman alongside her music. Now, she’s touring with Remo Drive and Hockey Dad - former Minnesota, latter Australia - and drawing fans out from cities across the world.
Tour kicked off in Chicago, her hometown and the stomping ground of our early 20s. Next, we hit Minnesota - St. Paul, not Minneapolis, as our waitress made sure to warn Tatiana before addressing the crowd - and followed that up with Denver, where her guitarist, Liam, joined us for the rest of the trip.
We got to stay a few days in Colorado, and Tati, Liam, and I hit the art museum to see a Maurice Sendak exhibit on his life’s work, highlighting Where the Wild Things Are.
Each of the original paintings for every page of the book was displayed alongside the passages, so you got to read the story again as you observed the intricacies of his handiwork.
He started as an illustrator, drawing for the words of other writers before he penned his first book. This set off a chain effect, and he later moved into even broader horizons - television, film, opera, theatre. He seemingly excelled at them all.
Salt Lake was next.
Halfway through our drive, we decided to pull over to smoke a cigarette and watch the sunset over the mountains, and Tati tells us of the time she simply walked past the line at Berghain and went straight inside - a highly sought-after experience that few actually endure.
After a game of giant Uno and a serious viewing of the hit classic, I Love You, Man, we stopped by the laundromat and packed the van up.
Utah came and went, but not without finding out that Tatiana fully believed Eddie Vedder is the lead singer of Creed.
Tatiana’s performances are so captivating. She has such a crisp voice and enchants the entire room in real time with every word. She plays guitar on a few songs during her set this run: How to be a Human, Don’t Need You, and Floodgate.
It’s honestly so fun to watch Tati and Liam go back and forth with each other up there. One of their fans came over after the show and complimented their chemistry on stage, saying she was mesmerized.
You’d think you’d get tired of hearing the same set every night, but when there’s that certain magic to it, you just can’t be.
It’s too good.
After the show, we met up with Remo at In-N-Out before crashing for the night and driving to Idaho.
Tatiana was the first aux DJ of our umpteenth car ride, starting the trip with Julian Casablancas.
We rode along for some time, nobody talking, just existing.
When we pulled up to the gig in Boise, we were warmly greeted by my all-time favorite thing: a dingy dive bar. She was a classic - dimly lit, big leather booths, a pool table. A dream location, honestly.
Tatiana wore a black mini-skirt with a lace button-up.
“I feel like Lana Del Rey,” she said, as she applied makeup in the nearly pitch-black bathroom.
“Definite Lana vibes,” I agreed. “Sultry.”
This night was a fun one. The venue being a dive bar called for dive bar activities. I won a game of pool without cheating (a rare occurrence), many photobooth visits ensued, and definitely a shot or two (or three, or four) were had. Drink tickets seemingly kept appearing out of thin air.
The bar patrons who weren’t originally fans, were by the end of the night. Everyone danced and sang and chatted outside and went back in to do it all again.
We drove through Oregon, stopping at a Holiday Inn just ahead of the Washington border.
The hotel sat atop a cliff, overlooking miles of farmland surrounded by miles of mountains. I spent the morning on a picnic bench out back, drinking my coffee and taking it all in.
The drives were gorgeous. Every color imaginable splayed across hills and valleys. Waterfalls down the sides of rock formations, snow-covered pine trees, and clear, open skies in every direction. It often felt like we were at the tip of the world, and it often felt like it couldn’t be possible to see anything else. But then we did.
As god and Stephanie Meyer intended, as soon as the forests of Washington began to surround us, so did the Twilight soundtrack. We drove through rain and each had our own melancholic stare-out-the-window moment, as one does.
Liam joked that the drummer, Ruby, looks like Jacob in the first movie. He laughed, noting he gets that a lot. Ruby has long, dark hair that is often found under a beanie. Perhaps he’s also a werewolf with a vengeance for vampires. Perhaps not.
Seattle is a big deal for Tatiana; a lifelong, hardcore Kurt Cobain fan. He’s her ultimate, so to say. Knowing Tati on a personal level, you really get to see how similar they actually are. Not just in their passion for music or their sound, but also in their genuine personalities - that goofy, kindhearted, maybe a bit shy or awkward - the type of person you’re lucky to call a friend.
The show took place in a venue right outside the Climate Pledge Arena, called The Vera Project. It’s an all-ages, drug-and-alcohol-free event space with programs for local youths to get involved with the arts - print labs, music meet-ups, poetry readings. That vibe.
It was really nice, honestly, to sit in the back with a warm latte and watch everyone play. The house had mismatched armchairs lining the walls, bringing a cozy, homey feeling into the room.
We met some people from Canada who had driven down to see Hockey Dad, and, at the show, discovered a newfound love for Tatiana’s music.
“Her voice is unbelievable,” one of them said, sipping from a can of Tecate she had grabbed from a corner store down the street.
“Unbelievable.”
The group of us stood outside the venue, chatting over cigarettes (and maybe a joint or two). One of the girls from Canada had convinced her friend to take the journey down to Seattle without having heard any of the bands before. She and said friend proceeded to go to a bar before the show, and they met the other two girls standing beside us. Although we were all newly introduced, it felt like talking with someone you’ve always known.
Portland was next, and we woke up to drive in midday. We stopped for some Thai food, hit a few vintage shops, and got ice cream.
They played The Hawthorne Theatre, which had two tiny green rooms that sat atop either side of the stage. Tatiana ended up selling out of merch, and we all hit the bar after with the other bands.
Tati and Ruby played some arcade games and Liam and I ate giant cheeseburgers. Everyone just kinda hung out for hours, talking amongst each other and smoking probably too many cigarettes.
The drive to Sacramento was a long one, so we queued up everyone’s favorite albums. The order went: Siamese Dream (Tati), In Utero (Tati and Liam), In Rainbows (also Tati and Liam), and Blonde on Blonde (me). Ruby opted out and went for the podcast route.
Sacramento’s venue felt like The Ink and Paint Club, the lounge in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Ruby and I concocted an entire feature-length treatment for a Batman-esque mob flick that takes place inside the bar while the other bands soundchecked.
For this gig, another group was added to the bill: Husbands, an Oklahoma City- based indie band. It was fun to hear some new songs during the final stretch. Tatiana and I hit the dance floor for a bit and grabbed a Coors from the green room.
There was a big patio in the back, where we sat for about an hour or so and chatted with various band members and locals. Liam managed to convince someone that Ruby played the bagpipes naked on stage.
Post-show usually means dinner and a drink or two, so we stopped at a dive bar for a bit.
Hot dogs were involved.
All of us stood outside afterward, having a smoke. The waiter came out with a plate containing a giant, warm, gooey, chocolate chip cookie, and we passed it around family-style.
The merch manager for Remo Drive, Joevany, lives in Sacramento, so after the bar, we all went back to his place for a little game night. We later returned to the hotel and passed out, waking up about nine minutes before checkout.
Tati, her bandmates, and I scrambled to pack up all their gear and hit the road once more.
San Francisco is cute and quaint and it was rainy and foggy and perfect. We got to the city a few hours before load-in time, so we did our typical vintage store/cafe/lunch moment.
Tatiana and Ruby got banh mis, and Liam and I smoked a spliff outside.
By the end of tour, everyone in Tati’s band voted San Francisco as their favorite venue. They played Great American Music Hall, a gorgeous, ornate theater originally established in 1907.
Over the last century, the building has seen multitudes. Jazz, burlesque - even a moose lodge at one point, pre-70s rehabilitation. The floors themselves have been touched by the feet of many a legend: Jerry Garcia, Buddy Rich, Duke Ellington, Tatiana Hazel. So on and so forth.
The green rooms were under the stage, and each band had their own lounge and dressing area. Tati and I got ready together before the show, doing our makeup in a giant vanity mirror.
This was one of my favorite sets from the entire tour. Tati wore a plaid shift dress that she had thrifted earlier that day; she looked ethereal under the light show and fog machine.
The sound was tight and the room was filled from start to finish.
We drank (extra) dirty martinis and Joevany introduced me to Hobo Johnson, whom he and Remo previously toured with.
The next day was Los Angeles, which is home to Tatiana and Liam. We unloaded at Tati’s place, and everyone got in their shower and laundry time.
El Rey is located in West Hollywood, about a ten-minute drive from Tatiana’s spot.
We were outside smoking when Liam noticed a longtime family friend and his son walking through the line.
The son is a huge Remo fan, and they hadn’t realized Liam would be playing that night, too. Serendipitous moments.
The evening of the show also happened to coincide with the farewell party of Tatiana’s bandmate from her other project, PROM. We all met up at a karaoke bar in Silver Lake to say our goodbyes before his big move to New York. More serendipity.
Everyone ended up heading back to Tati’s, where we played a multi-hour Uno game. Enemies were made. Trust was shattered.
The next morning led us through a long, traffic-ridden drive to San Diego. We made it there in one piece, pulling up to the venue about two minutes before load-in.
Sitting on a corner in Gaslamp, Quartyard awaited us.
For the last show of the tour, we were blessed with our first outdoor evening. It was an all-ages night with a strict nine o’clock curfew, so the bands started earlier than usual. We got a giant pizza from the spot next door and sat at a picnic table while Remo Drive and Hockey Dad finished up their run.
A group of teenagers stood outside the venue, climbing the fence to get a better look.
Once the fans were cleared out and everything was packed up, we exchanged merch with the other bands and made plans for our “we did it!” celebration.
Everyone met up at a spot called Star Bar, which we subsequently took over. I beat the previously undefeated Tim (Remo Drive guitar, pedal steel, keyboard) in bags while Tatiana destroyed the boys in Big Buck Hunter.
Halfway through a game of pool, two Australian men approached us to chat. One left mid-sentence to throw up in the corner, coming back to finish just seconds after. His vomit sat on the floor during the entirety of him telling us of his high tolerance for alcohol.
Final cigarettes and hugs were had, I-love-you’s exchanged, and everyone went their separate way.
The mundane invokes fear in the hearts of those unwilling to sit with themselves. When you’re living out of a van with multiple people for weeks at a time, constantly going, going, going - it’s easy to overlook the in-between. But the in-between is what saves you.
The morning after their last show, Tatiana, Ruby, Liam, and I met up in Malibu for lunch and a hike. We ate Thai food by the seaside and reminisced on the in betweens we shared.
In just two weeks, Tatiana crushed her first tour, sold out of merchandise, made a plethora of fans from multiple countries, and created longstanding relationships - everyone she brought herself, everyone we met along the way - she created a space of shared joy, talent, and determination.
As her own tour manager, she proved herself time and time again - renting the van, booking every stay, loading all of her gear in and out of each venue and hotel. She even handmade keychains to sell before the tour started.
Tatiana thrives in these moments - she lives to be busy; she loves to have things going on (yes, she’s a Virgo). But unlike so many others who look for their peace in the avoidance that busyness can bring along with it, she fully embraces each moment as they come, taking them for every inch of what they are worth.
She’s not avoiding anything - not her own thoughts (those become songs), not her own fears (those become goals), and certainly, not her own potential.
While this is just the beginning of the next phase, it’s also a lifetime’s worth of work packed tightly into a fourteen-day box. She has been working for this moment since she was a kid, posting YouTube videos of original songs and covers from the bedroom of her parent’s house.
It’s ironic, then, really, that night one kicked off in Chicago. Right before Tatiana got to live out her touring dreams for the first time, she laid her head on a pillow in that same room from all those years ago, under the roof of her two biggest fans.
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